Former Chicago Cubs superstar Chico Escuela has signed a minor-league contract with the Texas Rangers after taking 2006 off to cleanse his body of steroids and work as a guest commentator on Saturday Night Live.
"Texas Rangers been berra, berra good to me," wheezed Chico in broken english.
"Chico can't wait to get to training spring, make team," Chico added.
"Anybody got some Stanozolol? Seriously, I feel like I'm 500 hundred years old. My everything hurts," Esquela blurted out in perfect english.
"I mean, Mark Teixiera vera, vera good player. Chico like play with Mark."
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